Finding alcohol hidden in your own home can be an unexpected, concerning, and upsetting experience. When you realize that someone you love has been hiding something from you, especially something that could be as severe as an addiction, you’re bound to feel overwhelmed and blindsided. While these emotions are natural and understandable, handling a delicate situation with respect and care is essential.

So, what is the best way to approach the situation after you find out your spouse has been hiding alcohol and drinking it behind your back? 

Reasons Someone Might Hide Alcohol

There are a few main reasons why someone may hide alcohol from their partner. Primarily, they may be trying to deny a problem themselves. If they hide alcohol, they won’t have to face the situation. They may also hide alcohol from their spouse if they feel like they will be judged for drinking.

People suffering from alcohol use disorder are the group that is most likely to hide alcohol in their home. Individuals who have been trying to quit for years, have been high-functioning alcoholics for a while, or have recently developed a problem may display this behavior. 

How to Know if Your Spouse is an Alcoholic

Of course, we can not automatically assume that our spouse is an alcoholic if we find a bottle or two in our home. Therefore, before approaching your partner, it’s important to do research. Knowing the other signs of alcoholism will help you come to a more accurate conclusion about what your spouse is experiencing. By understanding the signs of alcoholism, you will have the ability to determine better whether someone you’re close to has an addiction problem or not.

Signs of alcoholism in your partner

Here are some signs that your partner may have an alcohol use disorder:

• Overly talkative or confident
• Frequent emotional spells (crying, yelling)
• Behaving irresponsibly and unreliably
• Drinking early in the day
• Blacking-out regularly
• Experiencing loss in sexual function
• Hide alcohol from loved ones.

If your spouse shows these patterns or behaviors, they may have or be developing an addiction problem. So, how do you respond to your life partner having an alcohol use disorder?

Living With an Alcoholic

Living with an alcoholic can be drastically different than living with a sober partner. Those with addictions to alcohol may eventually display a change in their behaviors. Their relationships, careers, and other aspects of their everyday life may be going downhill. Addiction can also cause financial and legal issues, which are both vast strains on marriage without alcohol even being involved.

It can be challenging to live like this, but it’s also hard to know what to say to your partner for their destructive behaviors to stop. 

What to do if your spouse is hiding alcohol

There is no “right” way to approach your partner about hiding alcohol, but there are some steps you can take to handle the situation sensitively and constructively.

1. Do Your Research. Learn about alcohol addiction and know the facts before talking to them about it.
2. Rehearse Your Approach. You don’t need a script, but you should have a rough idea of how you will begin the conversation.
3. Be Honest and Keep It Simple. You may feel like you’re being harsh, but being honest and keeping your message clear is the best way to get through to individuals suffering from addiction disorders.
4. Get Help From Others. If you have friends or family members who understand addiction, don’t be afraid to ask for their help along the way.
5. Commit to Changing Together. If your partner agrees to change after the conversation, this likely means that you will have to make some changes for the benefit of your relationship and your family.

Taking Care of Yourself and Your Family

The most important thing to remember is that none of this is your fault. If your partner is hiding alcohol or has an alcohol-related disorder, it has nothing to do with you or how you treat them. All you can do moving forward is support them on their journey. Exercise, spend more time together, and try new activities to strengthen yourselves as individuals and as a couple.

If your partner or spouse is hiding alcohol in your home, it may be time to start considering treatment options. Treatment methods for alcohol addiction may include one-on-one therapy, couple’s therapy, family therapy, group meetings, AA support groups, medication, and more. To see if one of these options is suitable for your spouse, contact our team of addiction and mental health professionals by calling 267.209.7312.

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